Six Months Later...

Hi everyone!

It has been a little over six months since mom passed away. I realized I haven't kept up with this blog or mom's caringbridge.org website. The first few months after mom's passing were pretty busy ones for us...we had to clean out and box up years and years (decades, really) of memories. In March, Doug and I moved out of the townhouse where mom spent her last moments, and parted ways...I moved up to northern California, and Doug went traveling around the country.

We had a small memorial service on March 7th...it was a gorgeous day and it was held at mom's favorite park where she used to take me and Larry to play. Actually, Larry and I used to go to the elementary school right next to the park, so mom would pick me up first and then we would go play at the park, and then pick Larry up (we're 6 years apart). Mom had told me a few times that if she ever dies, she would like us to have a memorial service for her at that park and to make it as colorful as possible, to wear whatever we want, and share laughter and tears together. She wanted us to be happy...to celebrate her life. That is exactly what we did...and it was the gift I could give her after she's gone, to follow her last wishes. It felt good to do it the way she wanted it to be done.

She wanted Sarah McLachlan's song "Angel" to be played there too...we weren't able to do it, so I did it in my own SUV on my way up to Fremont :)

Ironically, after months of looking for a job, I ended up taking on a full-time position working with deaf senior citizens at an independent living residential complex. I am working as their social worker and some of them are pretty much living the last few weeks/months/years of their lives there...some are battling cancer and it reminds me so much of what mom went through. You would think I'm nuts for taking on this job right after mom's passing...because everything does remind me of her when I'm there...but it has been a very healing experience for me because I am able to empathize with the deaf seniors and their families during their difficult times, and I am familiar and comfortable with what goes on. I also feel like the seniors have "adopted" me as their family...I get so much love and appreciation from them for being there. I feel closer to mom working here too...I imagine she would have loved working here with me, and I tell stories about her to the deaf seniors...they love stories about mom and my cat Taj!

Watching these seniors, I realized mom was VERY lucky right up to the end. She had so many people there for her...people stopped by to see how she's doing, sent her things to brighten her days, called and emailed her, etc. She was surrounded by so much love, and she saw that these people loved her family and friends as well...because they also took care of me and Doug...and she knew all this right before she went into her deep sleep. For that, I am eternally grateful. That itself has inspired me to come to work every single day and to hang out with the deaf seniors. You have no idea how much they appreciate your company...and it does wonders in return.

It is not just the seniors that could use your company...their caretakers, families, and even pets could use some too!

Granted, not everyone (including pets) will "welcome" you with wide open arms...and not everyone will be in their best moments because being in pain is no fun. I learned that if they just see you are there...visibly there, ready to listen, help, anything...they are comforted by it. They may eventually warm up to you.

Growing up, I remember mom was always there for so many people...she would step in and stop arguments, call the police if she sees any disturbance, drive a stranger to their home, talk to a child who can't find her parents, help people carry stuff, take in stray animals (or at least coo at them and feed them if they won't come close to her), etc. One of my favorite memories of her from last summer was when we drove to the Upland post office...we saw some kids walking home from summer school, and a group of 4 little boys, about 10 years old, were at one corner of the street...two of the boys were physically beating up each other while the other two were standing by cheering. Mom drove up right next to the two fighting boys and rolled down the car window, yelled HEY! STOP! DON'T YOU BE FIGHTING LIKE THAT! at them...the two boys stopped immediately and looked so stunned, some of them scrambled away! Mom had a satisfied look on her face as she drove off and I was just sitting there with my mouth wide open, shocked...it was hilarious, we ended up having a good laugh over it afterwards!

I dream of mom quite often...either she makes a cameo appearance in my dreams or it is about us going on some kind of adventure together. I dream of her every week...once or twice a week, sometimes everyday. At first my dreams bothered me a lot...I would wake up realizing it was just a dream and my heart would feel really heavy. After a while, I started to appreciate the dreams...it was my way of spending time with mom like I always have, and it also became dreams where I took the opportunity to chat with her about what's going on in my life and sometimes she would give me advice (no kidding, I think my memory's full of her advice so I must have drawn some from the files!) It's very comforting.

I will post pictures here of the memorial service later on...for now I wanted to give everyone an update and to say "hey!" :)

Have a good weekend!